you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
