yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
