just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
