also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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