New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
