I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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