dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
