We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
