You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
