So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
