...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
