you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
