I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
