I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My ATM looks so different sober.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
