nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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