You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
