The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
