you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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