he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I party with great urgency now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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