Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
