Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My dick has a subreddit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
