i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
