Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
