im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
