She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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