Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
