Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
