So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
