I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
