4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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