I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This girl is more easily done than said...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
