did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
