You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
