Your face is a jimmy john
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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