i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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