You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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