Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
