I should be sponsored by Trojan
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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