Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
