all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
