Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
