How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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