Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
