She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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