how can u be prego again
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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