It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
