do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
