did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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