I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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