pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
